Wednesday, December 17, 2008

From the Boards

OK, I see it now. This is a board where you're supposed to pose a question to the omnipotent entity known as DED, who is understood by many to be an incarnation of Krishna and a damn good philosophizer himself. So you ask this venerable God from outer space a question or two and he's supposed to deign to provide you with an answer on the spot and you expect to get all of this for free. You get everything you bargained for and that's for god-blessed sure.

So I guess I needs a question.

Okay, I gots me one.

Do you think those two couples in ABBA ever did a little wife-sharing...You know. a little swing action. A cold night on the road, a room rented for the four of them. TV doesn't work. No radio. Not a goddamned motherfuckin' thing to do. You're all alone with this other couple who you know so well. Very likely have already had some sexual fantasies that revolve around the various permutations of sexual positions and techniques. So let's have at it, eh? Jimmy Cagney would agree with me. It ain't too big a stretch of the imagination to think that they said "to hell with it, who's going to find out anyway? Let's do this!" and we're off to the races. There are theoretically a fixed number of sexual postions, in accord with the physical make-up of the human body and yours in particular, but I guess I'm just saying that I wouldn't mind one bit and I do mean one bit at all to know that those ABBA chicks was heavy duty deep into the swinger's scene.

DED, clever name you've chosen. It brings to mind HAL, the infamous robot overlord of "2001: A Space Odyssey". HAL's intentions were always noble ones. They just didn't happen to work out in the human's favor very often, now did they? So yes, I will have to grant you that you are incredibly gifted mental genius.

And so I really do want to know your take on this whole ABBA wife swapping idea? If it hasn't been done, is it DO-ABLE? If so, can I be the camerman?

Oh, here's one more questions for you, DED old boy. Here's the main one:

Is there any way you can hook me up to somebody who can get me a job as a camera man for amateur porn films. There's got to be one, you know? He's the tour guide through the whole degrading debauchery. I can do that. I can do that, sure enough, like you ain't never seen done before. I want the job bad and I really do think I'm pretty damn good at it. If you want, I can get you a link to a site where you can watch me licking snot from a crack whore's nose. Anything to get the job. Any and every thing, you gotta know it. Just remember four words whenever you think of what kind of job you should get for me: CAMERA MAN PORN FILM. Can you make that happen?

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