Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Music Video of the Week: PFM

Video quality on this one is pretty bad, but hey, I'm in a PFM mood, so we'll take what we can get, eh?

"Celebration"
PFM

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Music Video of the Week: Genesis

Sorry, a little late on the MVotW. Couldn't think of anything I wanted to post and besides that my wrists were hurting so I put it off. I'm pretty sure I've already posted a Gabriel-era Genesis track as a MVotW, but positive I've never picked one from the Collins years. I'm just starting to get over a snobbish attitude for post-Gabriel/Hackett Genesis so I figured this one would be a worthwhile selection. To all the haters out there...come on...close your eyes and imagine Peter Gabriel singing this song all decked out in some outlandish costume. Not a far stretch of the imagination, as I see it. But nobody likes Phil Collins. I read an article about that very same subject in Rolling Stone a couple of months ago. Came away from it with a whole new respect for the man and a stronger disdain than I already have for music snobs (from whose ranks I have thankfully extricated myself). People used to praise REM for not sticking to the same formula, trying out a new sound/style with each successive record. But Genesis? I guess your typical prog-rocker is not so generous or adventurous. Fact of the matter is that Collins' led Genesis have recorded some really good, substantial music since the mid-70s. Phil is a vocalist who may not be as versatile as Gabriel, but no one could ever accuse ol' Pete of being a "fine singer", either. Truth be told Collins can ape Gabriel note for note when/if he wants to. I'm sure I'm not the only one who initially didn't know that it was Phil, not Pete, who sang the lead vocals on "For Absent Friends" (from the seminal "Nursery Cryme" album). But no matter, whether Phil can sing or not...most bands would succumb to the pressure of losing two key members in the span of a scant few years...one of whom is a charismatic lead vocalist who is the sort of figure that almost overshadows band mates no matter how talented they are. One can argue that once they hit their stride (ie. began to churn out the hits) they abandoned the whole "change" idea. But what the hell, eh? And then there were three...eh? 2/5s or their writing input is long gone. You're basically left with the rhythm section. Not too many bands could pull that off so successfully. And anyone who discounts their last 4 or 5 records because they may not be "prog" enough for them have obviously never listened to them. No, the prog isn't easily found, but there is some in the mix. Very good prog, at that. At least by my definition of prog.

Anyhoo, enough warbling about things no one can change, whether they'd want to or not. Here's a Collins-era Genesis song that it took me a long time to get into. But Phil's weird-ass laugh and lecherous growl won me over. Enjoy.


"Mama"
Genesis

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Kathy

They brought her in
Through the hard wood double doors
She had a hard expression stamped on her face
That seemed out of place for the occasion
Almost as if she wanted to be there
It softened a tiny bit with the blast of the air conditioner
Melted for half a moment
Only to dry, thickening cement, the next
I don't remember
If I ever knew
Who piloted her into that cold room
Who held the handles of the wheel chair that had replaced her legs
But I do recall how they set her in a corner
The better to survey the gathering
She divided every man and woman, young and old
Into two factions
Friend
Foe
I knew exactly where I stood in that division
With the majority
And she made a scene when she saw me
Impotent to rise and look me in the face (as if she would have)
Crippled
Pathetic
As the words I don't remember and the way she spoke them...
It wasn't the time or the place
So the two factions splintered into four, eight, sixteen, thirty-two...
Some converted
To leave her alone with her blood
And the ghost of the man
She
Unknowingly
Killed

It doesn't take a weapon to kill a man
No accident, cancer, water, gravity, fire
Age
Her petty selfishness squeezed his heart
And her unreasonable ultimatums broke it
All that was left was to wait and see
How long it would take the poison to do it's work
As it turned out, it didn't take long

And I don't doubt that she cried
She was too stupid to realize what she'd done
She had no idea what she was doing
And I don't doubt she loved him
In her own possessive, dominating way
It hadn't seemed to bother him
And I don't doubt that she grieved bitterly
She wasn't made of stone
You don't just piss away so many years
And I don't doubt that she missed him with time
For he was good to her
Much better than she deserved
But I doubt she thought of him
In her final dying days

The last time I saw her
She was stranded by the check-out counters in a Wal-Mart store
Tethered to the slick plastic seat of the wheelchair she'd accepted
Her pilot had gone off, maybe to the restroom
Maybe to fetch some powdered donuts forgotten on the grocery list
For whatever reason
She was left there, alone, solitary
Looking around the place like a curious turtle
Slow, halted by time
All alone
An island abandoned
Left to her own company
All alone
A sad, ridiculous sight
Soon enough cut down

She left a lot to be forgiven for
The heavy weight of anger eventually
Became too much for me to bear
For him, for myself, not for her
I stood on that sacred ground
I touched the stone
I said, "For you, for you alone
I will let it go
I will let it go"

Thursday, March 10, 2011

a love lost between two photos

Yesterday I scanned a ton of photographs of my father (who passed away in 1999). I came across one that really hit home in an awful, sad way. I don't know why I'm posting this here, but I'm going to anyway.


My mom and dad in the mid-50s. I don't know anything about the particulars of this photo. It looks like it was taken at one of those booths you used to see in grocery stores and places like that. But good God, just look how happy they are. If those aren't two people who are madly in love then I have never seen any. I doubt they were married at this point, but dad already sports an expression that says, "she's mine". Just a hint of possessiveness, like you just know that if someone were to try and mess around with her he would get the beat-down of his life. And she looks as if she wants nothing more than to let him do it. As for me, I don't remember them being nearly as close as they look like they were then. It's nice, though, to know that they were happy together when I was born.

Now, fast forward to 1976 or 1977 (not exactly sure, but it was one or the other),,,


Oh, my God...what happened? Mom looks like she resents having to pose with him, to even be that close to him. She had bleached her hair not too long before this picture, and I've long suspected that she did it to sort of try and "become a new person" to whatever small extent. I never liked it. I can't quite suss out what dad is thinking/feeling by the look on his face. I know he was kind of stubborn...and he still has this possessive quality in his expression, but instead of being possessive of wanting to keep and protect her, this is more the look of a man who is going to make sure she won't leave. He probably thought he had that job done all the way up until she DID leave, and I guarantee he wasn't looking anything like this when it happened. At any rate, it is a very uncomfortable moment. There's no way of knowing who was the person that requested this photo be taken. Most likely I'm the one who snapped the picture, but I can't imagine me insisting on such a portrait. I'd already settled in my mind the eventuality that they would be divorced sooner rather than later. Most likely dad wanted the photograph taken, which would explain mom's demeanor.

This is what it comes down to. No, not for everyone...hopefully none but the unlucky few...but between these two portraits is the degeneration of a love that seemed so promising but instead deteriorated past the point of no return. What can I say? I guess I should give them credit for toughing it out for as long as they did. They always provided for us (my brother and I). It wasn't pleasant during those last couple of years, what with the constant shouting matches and dad trying to pull us kids into the arguments. No, I don't guess I can say too much good about the situation as it became, other than the aforementioned constant provision.

Yes, it is very, very hard for me to recall those hard times. It always has been. How things would have been so much different had they stayed together. I might still have a relationship with my mother, something I haven't had or wanted in several years. I believe that my father would still be alive today, had they remained a couple...of course I have my reasons for thinking that, but it's not something I want to go into here and now. All that is horrible to remember...but I think this is even worse.These photographs document it. The decay of a relationship that began with such love and promise. That ended with so much bitterness.

I hope to learn a lesson from this...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Cymbalta...no thank you

I've seen the television ads for Cymbalta, an anti-depressant, and I thought, "hey, this may well be just what I need!" But since I take other medications I wanted to make sure there would be no dangerous interactions. So I googled it and this is what I found:

Common Cymbalta Side Effects:


Check with your doctor if any of the following side effects continue or are bothersome:


Cough; nausea; diarrhea; constipation; dizziness; dry mouth; fever; frequent urination; headache; lack or loss of strength; loss of appetite; muscle aches; sleepiness or unusual drowsiness; sleeplessness; sore throat; stuffy or runny nose; increased sweating; difficulty sleeping; insomnia; unusual tiredness or weakness; vomiting; weight loss


Less Common Cymbalta Side Effects:


Check with your doctor if any of the following side effects continue or are bothersome:


Abnormal orgasm; acid or sour stomach; belching; change or problem with ejaculation; decreased interest in sex; difficulty in moving; erectile dysfunction; fear; feeling of warmth or redness of the face, neck, arms and occasionally, upper chest; heartburn; indigestion; joint pain; muscle aching or cramping; muscle pains or stiffness; nervousness; shakiness in legs, arms, hands, feet; stomach discomfort upset or pain; sudden sweating; swollen joints; trembling or shaking of hands or feet


Always notify your doctor if you experience these Cymbalta side effects:


Abdominal or stomach pain; fast heartbeat; blistering, peeling, loosening of skin; chills; clay-colored stools; cold sweats; confusion; convulsions; dark urine; decreased urine output; difficulty swallowing; eye pain; general tiredness; itching, puffiness, or swelling of the eyelids or around the eyes, face, lips or tongue; increase thirst; itching; joint or muscle pain; swelling on face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, and/or sex organs; light-colored stools; red irritated eyes; red skin lesions, often with a purple center; redness of skin; sores, ulcers, or white spots in mouth or on lips; swelling of face, ankles, or hands; tearing; tightness in chest; bad breath; upper right abdominal pain; wheezing; yellow eyes and skin


If you experience any of the following serious Cymbalta side effects, stop taking Cymbalta and contact your doctor immediately or seek emergency medical treatment:


difficulty breathing; closing of the throat; swelling of the lips, tongue, or face; hives; an irregular heartbeat or pulse; low blood pressure; dizziness, fainting, lightheadedness or weakness; high blood pressure; severe headache; blurred vision or other difficulty seeing; chills or fever; unusual bleeding or bruising; rash; coma; vomiting of blood


Other Cymbalta side effects not listed above may also occur in some patients. If you notice anything unusual while taking Cymbalta, check with your doctor.


***********************************

Uh, did I read that right? OTHER SIDE EFFECTS NOT LISTED??????? As if those aren't more than enough to keep me as far away from this poison as possible? I understand that there are going to be side effects with all medications and that not everyone will experience all, many, or in the rare case, any of them. Still, look at that list and tell me you wouldn't proceed with the utmost caution in deciding if the "cure" is worth the "curse" of these side effects. As for me, I see it as if one were to reach into a basket full of poisonous snakes in order to retrieve treasure. A crap shoot. Playing with fire.

If you're gonna DIE for NOT taking this stuff then I guess you've got no choice. Otherwise...it's up to each individual to choose.

I'll wait until psychiatric medicine has evolved to the point where I don't feel like a guinea pig for taking stuff like this. I consider myself more than lucky that I've been able to find a combination of medicines that manifest relatively few side effects (even if a couple of them are a real pain and detract from my quality of living, at least I won't have red skin lesions with purple centers and white spots on my mouth and in my lips, not to mention vomiting blood and swollen genitalia).

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Mistake

Now
I'm stuck in a moment,
Ashamed, Repentant,
That forgiveness would have spared
A chance to be the better man
But a foolish impulse shut it out
A self-satisfied second of self-assurance
Believing I was justified
I was satisfied to speak my mind
Not wanting to care but almost knowing
How deluded it was
Incapable of seeing anything else besides
What I wanted to see

Time crawls slowly on
Giving birth to more and more moments
I will soon enough break free of this one
To leave my transgressions behind
Consigning them to forgetfulness
The usual procedure
I will become unstuck from this one

None of it is so heavy a stone
That will and the need to move on
Cannot roll away

So I prepare to forget
The thoughtlessness of my actions
As I resolve never to look back
In this moment
I would have you know
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I would hope you forget
Leaving you behind
Won't be any easier knowing
You already have

Forgotten

Friday, March 4, 2011

Sigur Row at Akifunu, International Forum Hall, 2003

Sigur Rós - Akifumu, Int. Forum Hall 2003.04.14 from Victoryrosemusic Blogspot on Vimeo.


Burning Bridges

Everything's out now
In the air, in the open
On the table
Spilling over the sides
More to come
Still, I'm just not sure this was the right way to go about it

I want to take some back
Though it felt so cathartic to unload
The empty space vacated
Is hungry for the secrets I've given away
The fresh void
Craves the pampered memories
The lost recollections that once glowed with shame
I miss the skeletons I've evicted from my soul closet
Recklessly disassembled
Tossed out with no rhyme or reason
Onto this pyre
Too late to turn back now, I've already lit the fire
I could reach in, perhaps
Sacrifice fingers or hands to retrieve precious few
But which ones?
Would they be enough to fill the churning stomach?
Would I grow to resent them for the ones that weren't chosen?
No...best to let them all burn with limbs and digits intact

The excavation process seemed so simple at the time
Heavy weights lifted from my shoulders
The promise of a bright and shining future
Unburdened by revelation I thought I could offer
So sure it would change lives, not the least of which
My own
How naïve to believe
It was worth anything in the first place
It belonged with the dancing skeletons
In the hole with the transparent ghosts of guilt
Evil twin, doppelganger of gravity
To pull me down into sinful reality

I loved them all

I still do
Though I'm quite sure I've murdered them
They will never die
My salvation comes only in the knowledge
That they belong to the past,
Unable to survive outside of the paradigm in which they are imprisoned,
And that it is my very nature
As a human being
To live in the present moment
In which they have no power

Parade of Fools

Maybe I watch these fools
Because I want to believe
Or because I hold out hope
That one has a word of truth
For me
I've always been disappointed before
But I'm willing to accept a miracle
Were it offered
I have a gut feeling
These fools won't be the ones with that gift
To give

So what, then? Why?
Why do I turn up my nose and
Level a sharp cynical stare
At these snake charming hucksters?
I know all they do
I perceive their intention
I hear the lulling lilt of the seducer's song
That rolls like fragrant incense
From their serpent-tongue mouths
Lips chapped and bleeding
I smell the stench of their breath

All have eyes to see
All have ears to hear
Still the blind lead the blind
Their hands deep in pockets

The damage done
I sit and stare without guilt
Because I love to see the deceiver in action
All the better I'll be able to recognize him
When he comes knocking at my door