It seems like when I try to post a comment on facebook on my Kindle Fire, the longer the comment the better chance that it will NOT appear. I don’t understand this but it doesn’t surprise me. It only confirms my suspicion that the people who develop and sell these devices haven’t a clue about or no regard for the limitations of technology as they apply to the user. I say wait until the technology catches up with the idea/concept before unleashing it on the public. 

Begging and Praying

I know I could break your heart
With one instinct, one hunch
You'd fall to your knees
Either begging or praying
As if they weren't the same thing

With each moment that passes
The heart turns to stone
The flesh dies in time
Still the spirit lives on
Twisted air inhabiting life

Get inside my head, why don't you
Try to understand
From where I've gained this power
What it is and what it means
How I don't even have to do a thing
To strap the heavy burden of regret to your back
You'll carry it until the light of forgiveness dawns upon you
Or until the darkness of helpless realization
Makes it heavier still
Heavier and harder to slough off

Yes, you'll fall to your knees
I'll be the one who knocked you down
Without moving a muscle
Not a single thought of mine necessary

I don't want to do this
You made me
You gave me the power, yes
You
Not even knowing
Clueless as it became stronger
Not even realizing what it was
You were doing
No idea the damage

My great transgression was letting you

When I'm judged
For every moment I've sinned
My punishment will be knowing
I'd opened up just wide enough
For you to jump in
Not knowing how to swim
And for giving you a reason
To hit your knees
Begging and Praying

I hate my computer!

I HATE MY COMPUTER!!! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!

PIECE OF SHIT!
 PIECE OF SHIT!
PIECE OF SHIT!
PIECE OF SHIT!
PIECE OF SHIT!

Actually this piece of shit computer is not the exact same model as my piece of shit computer but it IS a HP Pavilion so it can't be too much better than the piece of shit computer I'm stuck with.

UPDATE 5/26/12: I feel like a fool right now. On maybe not so much a fool as a stubborn man who thinks he knows more than he actually does. The main reason I hated  my computer was because the fan automatically seemed to go into overdrive the very moment I started the thing. Loud, loud and louder as the machine heated up. If I were watching a movie on Netflix or something like that I only had about 30-35 minutes before it shut down from overheating. I had been watching television programs while doing my exercise (walking on the treadmill), and I couldn't even get through a whole episode with the damn thing crashing on me. 


Anyway, I'd looked at the HP Support & Assistance program to see what the problem might be. I knew it must have been something fairly big because I've never any computer make as much noise as mine. All I found was a page about dust in the fan telling me to spray the vents with compressed air. I thought, no, that can't be it. That would be too simple. This computer hasn't been in an atmosphere where that kind of dust could accumulate in the short span of time since I bought it. It had to be something more complicated that, for whatever reason, they weren't mentioning in the help section.


Particularly frustrated a couple of days ago I said, what the hell, couldn't hurt none, and whipped out a can of compressed air on the sucker. Guess what? This computer is as quiet as a mouse. Furthermore I can set it on my lap for more than 10 minutes without thinking I've got a hot frying pan there. I don't need to put ice beneath it to keep it cooled down. 


This is exactly why I failed Algebra I & Algebra II. That's right, I was given the green light to take Algebra II even though I flunked Algebra I. I never understood the logic behind that. But the reason I was so bad at it is because I thought I could find other, more effective ways to solve the problems. Crazy, I know. I won't make those mistakes next time. 

...in which I attempt to remedy a situation brought on by the neighbor's worthless bulldog

The people next door have a wretched, loathsome bulldog and they don't seem to mind where he takes a crap when they let him outside. The worthless beast often utilizes my front lawn and understandably I'm not too happy with his choice. I've decided I will take a shovel, scoop it up and toss it in the yard on the side of their house facing ours. You know, returning it to it's rightful owners. Today was the second time I had the chance to do this but something unexpected forced me to re-think the logic of my retribution dispersion method.

He laid down one of the worst I've ever seen or smelled. The flies were swarming on it before it even hit the grass. The stench was of the type that knocks you backward while you suppress the urge to hurl. The pile was of sufficient size that scooping it with a shovel was easy, even though the distribution in it's weight caused a fresh wave of nauseating stank to fill the air like dry ice at a Kiss concert.

Holding my breath I more or less got it all on my shovel and stepped over to dump it on their ground. This is where it went wrong. Apparently I underestimated how much muscle would be required to transfer it to their lawn. SPLAT! Not only did that dogs*** hit the side of their house, it STUCK THERE! There was even a blob the size of a small egg that was hanging on the television antenna pole.

To make a long story short, no I did not leave it in that outrageous condition. It wasn't easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but I got it done...although there was no way all of that stuff was coming off. We'll have to see what happens.

I hate that dog and truth be told I doubt that Peta OR the ASPCA would have any objections whatsoever if I put it out of it's misery. It ain't normal. I love dogs, don't get me wrong, some breeds more than others, but this thing is cut from a whole 'nother cloth. It's a breed from hell.

not a POEM (for a drunk bastard)

WARNING: The following is NOT a poem

It's an old guitar abandoned and forgotten, leaning it's warped neck against the cement wall of a cellar, caked with dust, strings useless with rust and dried oil

Ir's a video you've watched a hundred times but refuse to download because you're convinced it will give your computer a virus

It's a dust bin for calenders and a trash compactor for clocks

It's a scrapbook stuffed with reminders of things that very likely never happened and a wrinkled, road-weary rock star to convince you they did

It's the rancid odor of dead skunk that remends me of all the weed you burned

It's the goofy laugh some found contagious but I just thought was goofy

It's a running bet to see who could guess exactly how late you would be to an important occassion

It's a hell of a good time if you're looking for hells of good times you won't remember twenty-four hours later

If you don't mind losing the time

I doubt you even consider
That your leaving was such a betrayal
You couldn't consider much of anything with your gut
So full of cheap bourbon whiskey
Your words untethered from your thoughts
Your feelings numbed, just the way you liked it
If you cared the morning after
That was the only time you cared at all
I was robbed of the justice in calling you a liar
It took too much of your energy to stand
You surely had none to divine truth from fiction
Stand and talk
Move and breath
Glad to fool
You seemed cogent, enough to inspire trust

I shouldn't hate you
I despise you and I'm wrong
I loathe you and I know I'm judged
I am jealous of you and I am ashamed of it
I envy you and I can't help but wonder
From where did you get all this power?
What makes all these memories I have of you
Mock, Scorn, Torture me with guilt for all I feel
Even as you walked away you had no idea of what you promised
The ties that bind, you said, the ties that bind
They're hard to break and you were right
I've spent all these years trying to untie that knot
Every time I hit a snag I can't help but think of how tightly you wound them
It makes me despise you even more

I despise you even more because I know
If you were here right now I'd take you for granted
Every bit as much as I did when we shared the same room
Ages ago
Only difference being how acutely aware I'd be with
Well learned 20/20

God, I miss you
I miss the way you made me feel normal
The way you made be believe I belonged
Three sheets to the wind, plastered
Eight miles high and laughing that goofy laugh of yours
Hanging around long enough to pick you up when you fell
What I want to know, when all is said and done
Where were you when I was the one sprawled out on the floor?
Did you never think that I would need you to return the favor someday?

The view from down here is the one I am bound to remember
Looking up to a myriad of faces
Not a friend amongst them
Certainly not a friend like I thought you were
Teetering stinking drunk you could still lift me up and get me the hell out of this place

...and I can't even blame you
...you were a dry leaf blowing in the wind
...kindling for the demands I made of you
...easily crushed

OKC Zoo trip

Here are a few photographs from a visit to the zoo earlier this week. Mostly snakes...

Sea Horse

This is a HUGE rattlesnake showing his fangs.

You might not be able to tell but that's his head in the middle between his curled up body.

I forget what this is called...I call it WAY TOO BIG.

I believe the scientific name for this amphibian is "Green Snake" of the subspecies "BIG Green Snake".

repression

There was a time when it served me well to forget the times
When they were fresh to devestate
Hard times, mean times, time to forget but the memories wouldn't stay buried
For too long
It took a long time to keep them from escaping the soul-locked box I stuffed them in
Hoping, they would rot inside
Losing, with the passage of time, the power they weilded
What damage had been done would eventually be credited to other foes
But that's not quite what happened

******

There is a soul-locked box sits in the center of all I know
With no labels or any way to guess what might be inside
Be it wonderful or wicked
Light as a feather
Stinking, moldy air?
Ashes, fine powder weightless?
A black hole vacuum just waiting for me to open it
For to be sucked down and in to the times for which it was spawned

I don't know what's inside but this I do know:
It's something important
A missing piece of a huge jigsaw puzzle that covered my grandmother's coffee table
An instinctive aversion to Thursday nights at 9:00 o'clock
A resolution to never again defend the Bible to bullies
A plastic bag filled with flour, snorted like Cocaine


I don't know what's inside, but I do know this:
It's something important
A casual observer forced to take sides to help a weak man win
A look in the eye only noticed through hateful glaring and if eyes are truly the window to the soul...
A new meaning to the phrase "looks that kill"
A wet pillowcase still warm from muffled curses

I don't know what's inside, but this I do know:
I'm afraid of knowing
Because I think I DO know and now I don't want to
I remember pain and disappointment, fear and contempt
A loathing for someone who may or may not have deserved it
Someone with a set of excuses every bit as valid/worthless as mine
I'm afraid of the possibility ithat those excuses don't amount to anything
That forgiveness somehow got lost in the shuffle and someone went to heaven without mine
And I can only pray that there was a time he repented and forgave me in his own mind

Because I have a strong suspicion
That forgiveness is the key to the soul-locked box
In the Spirit, let the breeze dissolve the molding, rotten air
Let the Wind, which no man knows which way it comes or which way it goes, dissolve ashes into ether

I long to find out the times, torn from the fabric of time
Memories alive but unconsciously ignored
You tell me you can tear down those walls
I say Ignorance is Bliss