It has been a long, difficult process, but I have finally achieved a milestone in my journalistic career. This is something I’ve dreamed about for a long, long time…a dream that honestly believed would never come true. But thanks to a few friends with connections (and a generous stipend that soared into the higher end of triple digits) it happened…AN INTERVIEW WITH MICK JAGGER!
That’s right, the aging leader of one of the world’s classic bands, the Rolling Stones, sat down with me for a couple of hours and gave me permission to mine the treasures of his mind for tidbits of important recollection, to a degree that no other interviewer has ever dared.
For those of you who don’t know, Jagger, along with close friend Bill Wyman, formed the Rolling Stones in the very early 60’s. Along with Charlie Watts and Brian Jones the band went on to record some of that era’s definitive hit songs. “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”, “Mother’s Little Helper”, “Get Off Of My Cloud”, “Paint It Black”…a veritable cornucopia of drug influenced music celebrating promiscuity, addiction, nihilism and good old British snobbery and bile.
The Stones were on top by the mid-60’s. American girls couldn’t get enough of the slovenly, unkempt Jagger. Bill Wyman’s innovative bass playing style revolutionized the craft and set a standard for future bassists that has rarely been achieved.
And yet, even though their popularity soared to heights never before dreamed of by pop acts at the time, there was one band who edged them out of the running for “greatest band of all time.”. Keith Richards’ group, the Beatles, had come along at roughly the same time as Jagger & Wyman’s ensemble. Richards’ angelic harmonizing with John Lennon and George Harrison helped propel the Beatles to that plateau of success that no other band has ever been able to repeat. Furthermore, Ginger Baker, though he preferred not to be in the spotlight, practically created the solid backbeat that drove such timeless gems as “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”, “She Loves You”, “A Hard Day's Night” and Baker’s masterwork, “Rain”.
The competition was a healthy one, with both band’s striving to outdo each other. For example, Charlie Watts, the Stones’ chief songwriter, heard “Yellow Submarine” one night at a posh London country club and was so impressed that he wrote “19th Nervous Breakdown” the very next day. He claimed that the catchy riff came to him in a dream, that he had to get out of bed immediately and write it down before he forgot it.
Not a month later, Keith Richards’ wrote “Yesterday”, inspired by a song on the Stone’s “Between The Buttons” album called “Something Happened To Me Yesterday” (George Harrison went on to write “Something” later in the band’s career, inspired by the same song). He also claimed to have received the melody in a dream. It was so good, he said, that he wanted to check with his bandmates to be sure that it was his own and not a fragment of a song he might have heard somewhere, like maybe on “Live at Lincoln Center”. John Lennon laughed in his face and refused to play on the song (the first of many protests he became known for). As a result, the group’s long time producer, George Martin, suggested that a string quartet would serve the song well. Harrison said he had better things to do. He was busy scoring LSD at the time. Lennon, of course, was indifferent. He thought the song had no chance. Later, after the Beatles had broken up, he sang a pointed jab at Richards in his song “How Do You Sleep” (“The only thing you done was “Yesterday”…and ever since you’re just “Another Day”, which cleverly admitted that “Yesterday” may well have been a classic song, but that Richards’ current single, “Another Day” was a pile of shit).
The string quartet idea seemed to be the way to go…until Ginger Baker made his opinion known. Basically he threatened to leave the band if Richards and Martin wouldn’t let him play on the song. Martin was incensed. The concept of a drummer playing with a string quartet was repulsive to him. Keith (also affectionately known as “Keef”) sided with the wizened producer and before Ginger could turn in his walking papers they ganged up on him and stuffed a pink slip into the pocket of his gaudy, psychedelic silk shirt. After a few phone calls they were able to talk Rory Storm & the Hurricanes’ drummer Ringo Starr into joining the Beatles. “Yesterday” had already been recorded and mixed by the time Starr was able to make it into the studio, and though he was a little disappointed that he didn’t get to play on the record, he didn’t really care. He had already done something similar with Rory Storms’ band (a hard rock opera based loosely on Gustav Mahler’s 8th symphony).
Meanwhile the Stones just kept on trying to write a song that would top the Beatles. “Under My Thumb” (a sexist exaltation of male dominance), “Honky Tonk Women” (an almost pornographic diary of Jagger’s on-the-road escapades), “Sympathy For the Devil” (commissioned by Anton LaVey, high priest of the International Church of Satan), “Midnight Rambler” (in which Jagger envisioned himself a homicidal rover)…on and on the parade of tunes rolled, each one just a little more depraved than the last until, finally, they wrote a song that angered the Catholic Church and the whole of Canada. “Ruby Tuesday” contained the bold statement that if you lose your dreams you will lose your mind. Furthermore it contended that life was unkind. Siding with the devil was one thing. This was another thing entirely.
It seemed a miracle at the time, but Jagger, Jones, Watts & Wyman persisted. They were on a roll until Brian Jones was beaten to death in a dark alley just outside of his newly acquired mansion. Tirelessly they re-cooped. Amazingly they walked away from that disaster with a new guitarist, Eric Clapton, and a renewed determination to make their next gig a smashing success (which they felt would be a lot easier to do now that the Beatles had given up doing live performances).
The show, at Altamont Speedway, turned into a monumental disaster as a group of funny car racers, upset at the appropriation of their raceway to a bunch of dirty, stoned hippies, made their displeasure known by staging a cacophonous competition that just nearly drowned out the incredibly huge P.A. system (supplied by a joint effort of the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia and the legendary civic organization, the Hell’s Angels). The event turned tragic as, during the guitar solo in “Sympathy For the Devil”, a young man, curious to find out the source of the revving engines, accidentally stepped onto the track, right in front of a speeding automobile. He died instantly and the word “Altamont” was from that day on used to denote the death of the Woodstock generation.
Most rock group’s would have caved in after such a horrible experience. Many in the hippie community firmly believed that the Rolling Stones were cursed by God for writing “Sympathy For the Devil” and cursed by Satan for writing “Time Is On My Side”. Either way you looked at it, the band’s future was in considerable doubt.
Then an event occurred that re-vitalized Jagger and the other guys. The Beatles broke up. Richards had finally become tired of being a studio hermit and he pressed Lennon, Harrison and Starr to return to the road. None of them were willing, though, and the reason was best stated by Harrison: “I ain’t a-gonna get my ass shot. You do what you want…my conscience is clean and don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
With the Beatles out of the picture, Wyman felt that their success finally had a chance to reach such enormous proportions that even the Pope would be envious. A world tour was proposed. Jagger was easily persuaded, as he was never one to turn down an opportunity to inflate his gargantuan ego. Clapton was also on board. His playing had improved since joining the band and his confidence was high. Only Watts was hesitant, wanting to stay home in England to assemble a big band. Clapton soon enough talked him into going, pointing out that such a road trip would inevitably include several detours to the International House of Pancakes. Charlie had such a soft spot for IHOP that he dropped the whole silly notion of .leading a big band.
The Rolling Stones went through many change in the years between then and now. The most notable event during this time was in the late 80’s when ex-Beatle Keith Richards left a prominent ska band to join the group just in time to play on their ground-breaking LP “Dirty Work”. Since then, with “Keef” firmly entrenched, they have put out what many believe to be their masterpieces, albums that define all that they ever were and all they could ever be in the future. “Voodoo Lounge” and “Bridges to Babylon”, though the critics and the general public hated it, were nevertheless considered by musicians worldwide as the apex of what rock music had evolved into. Bob Dylan was heard to say that both of these albums were to his later career what “She Loves You” was to his early work. More importantly, Brian Wilson eventually confessed that “Love Is Strong” had been the creative impetus for the Beach Boys seminal 2002 release “Pet Sounds”.
The Rolling Stones went on to tour, record and generally cement their reputation as the best rock and roll band of all time. Jagger released a slew of solo records of varying quality but all enjoying mediocre sales. Though he obviously enjoyed recording the solo albums (he has said that he relishes any opportunity to take the reins and tell people what to do), he has always maintained that the Stones will forever be his highest priority. “Someday,” he said, “ they’ll have to push me onto that stage in a wheelchair. When I sing about getting no satisfaction it will be about the way I can never seem to get the attention of the nursing assistants when my Depends need to be changed.”
Impressed by such tenacity, I began my interview with probing questions that I felt would provide insight into the mind of this man who had not only helped shape the landscape of rock music as we know it, but bedded down at least 500 beautiful women in the process. No small feat for such an ugly sod.
JAC: Thank you, Mr. Jagger, for granting this interview. I’ve been a fan for a long, long time and I’m one of many who believe that you’ll go down in history as one of the most influential men in all of music, for all time and eternity.
JAGGER: Why thank you. That’s real swell of ya.
JAC: So, which is it? Pepsi or Coke?
JAGGER: Oh, Coke every time. But Pepsi is good, too. Not much in this world that I like more than a cold can of Pepsi and a long line of Coke.
JAC: That’s cool. McDonalds or Burger King?
JAGGER: I do like the Whopper. You know, it’s odd…they always said I could have it my way, and by God, they’ve made good on that boast.
JAC: So you think it would be fair to say that you’re a BK kind of guy?
JAGGER: Yeah, I guess I don’t mind being considered in such a manner. Then again, when Mickey D’s whips out those McRib sandwiches I’ll forsake the King for awhile.
JAC: Okay, now on to more important matters. What kind of wallpaper is on your cellphone?
JAGGER: Wait, let me see. (***opens a bag filled with pills, hypodermic needles and plastic sandwich bags filled with white powder of some sort, pulls out a nice iPhone, looks at it***)…I’ve got that Panda bear from the front of the Zoo Tycoon 2 video game box.
JAC: Wow, that’s really unique. Which leads me to my next question. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
JAGGER: Ummm, well I don’t know that he would want me to disclose his name…
JAC: That’s alright. Who was the last person to call you on the phone?
JAGGER: Rico Janico. He wanted to meet me at some sleezy strip bar, which I normally would not do, but on this occasion I find it prudent to make the journey. Let’s just say he has a little present for my birthday.
JAC: But wasn’t your birthday a couple of months ago?
JAGGER: He’s a little slow in the uptake.
JAC: Say no more. What’s your favorite color?
JAGGER: I’m partial to purple. But I like green a lot, too. I used to be all about yellow but I like to think I’ve grown up a lot since then.
JAC: What’s it like working with Eric Clapton?
JAGGER: It used to be quite invigorating. But ever since he got clean and sober it’s been a drag.
JAC: Is that something that can be construed as an endorsement of drug use?
JAGGER: I wouldn’t say that. It’s just a personal observation. I’ve known Eric for a long time. He used to be incredible, but now he’s just an old fuddy-duddy that won’t join us in the men’s room for a little shot. Que sara sara, you know? I do, however, have something to say that some folks might construe as an endorsement of drug use…
JAC: And what is that?
JAGGER: USE DRUGS! Everybody! Use drugs! Especially you kids. Your daddy’s and mamma’s seem to think you are our bright and shining future. Bah! Let’s all get wasted and watch “Gomer Pyle” re-runs on TV Land. Let’s smoke some crack and discuss Nietzsche, maybe St. Augustine. There’s nothing like philosophical and theological debate when you’re strung out on the horse. I even wrote a song about it.
JAC: Which song was that?
JAGGER: Oh, I forget. I think it was on the “Steel Wheels” album. Then again, it may have been on one of my solo albums. That’s probably the case, because Eric would have never agreed to perform on a song that was so blatantly pro-drug.
JAC: I knew you were pretty heavy into the narcotics, but I had no idea it had progressed to such an alarming level.
JAGGER: Don’t worry, mate. I can afford it.
JAC: Okay, maybe we should move on.
JAGGER: Do you have any crystal meth?
JAC: No.
JAGGER: Okay, then, let’s move on.
JAC: What was the last movie you watched?
JAGGER: “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”. And I’m not talking about the Disney version. Heh heh.
JAC: May I assume that this particular version is possibly pornographic?
JAGGER: I don’t know that I’d consider it “pornographic”, unless explicit depictions of people having sex is “pornographic”..
JAC: Regardless of whether or not you consider such films in that manner, one has to wonder why a man whose sexual exploits have become legend would need or even want to watch this kind of material.
JAGGER: It’s all about the dwarves, sport. All about the dwarves.
JAC: I suppose that kind of situation probably has not presented itself to you…
JAGGER: Only a couple of times.
JAC: Group dates or single dates?
JAGGER: I used to prefer single dates. But you know how it is. You fall into a rut, things get boring. So I decided to do the group date thing. At this point the groups number between 60-75. I have to rent a ballroom to git-r-done.
JAC: What did you do last night?
JAGGER: I stayed home and made a few phone calls to Rico Janico. God, I was bored.
JAC: Well, Mick, it would seem that my time with you has come to an end. Would you mind answering just one more question before you leave?
JAGGER: Is it important?
JAC: Oh yes, it is extremely important. The future of the entire civilized world hangs upon your answer.
JAGGER: Shoot!
JAC: When was the last time you cried?
JAGGER: I cry just about everyday, old salt. I cry for every single human being I left behind in the path of my destruction. I cry for every rock and roll wanna-be who decided early on that they wanted to be like me and then had their spirits crushed when they realized it was nothing but the old 9 to 5 for the rest of their lives. I cry for the dreams of Britain that I shattered by moving to New York. I cry for the virginity of the universe, forever imperiled by the eventual encounter with my eternal spirit. I cry for each and every puppy dog and kitty cat forced to go hungry because their master decided to spend Gravy Train money on crack. I cry for every slut, every whore that has taken the stage on the Jerry Springer show. I cry for Oprah Winfrey. I cry for Katie Couric. I cry for Stone Cold Steve Austin. I cry for every developmentally delayed individual in the American Midwest. But the last time I cried was this morning when the maid spilled hot coffee all over my crotch.
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I would like to thank Mick Jagger for the time he took from his busy schedule to speak with me. In addition I would also like to thank Johnny Cash, the Lovin’ Spoonful, the members of Boston, Chicago & Kansas, Jerry Garcia, Poncho Villa, J.R.R. Tolkien, Bill Clinton, the Marqui de Sade, Dean Koontz, Rachel Ray, Jenna Jameson, Vanilla Ice, the late, great Tammy Faye Messner, Joni Lamb, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Barry Bonds, SuperFly, Les “Survivorman” Stroud, Tony the Tiger, A Flock of Seagulls, Jerry Reed, Tom T. Hall, George Harrison, John Lennon, Ringo Starr, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton, Bill Wyman, Charlie Watts, Helen Reddy, The Doodle-Bops and the guy who invented the wheel. Also a VERY special “Thank You” to Rico Janico.
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