Ruminations

I looked to the western sky at sundown and I saw it as the Canvas of God.

I stared into the deep infinity of the night sky and I imagined every star a pin prick in the black horizon, offering tiny glimpses of the Light on the other side.

I came to realize that heaven was to be found in the moments after sleep consumes the intellect and just before dreams tease the spirit.

I feared inner peace and sought distraction to the point where distraction took the place of inner peace, and I was content with it.

I sought to deny myself thoughts, beliefs, experiences…to sacrifice them to a code that I thought prohibited them.

I tried to do the right thing when most of the time I hadn’t a clue as to what the right thing was. I have learned that “the right thing” has more to do with luck than any result of good motives.

I celebrate diversity and seek to tear down the walls of intolerance. I firmly believe that one should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And in regards to how others lead their own lives I would also add this amendment” “Mind thy own business”.

I closed my eyes and thought “This is all there will ever be”. And so I taught myself to love darkness.

I opened my eyes and thought “This is all there will ever be”. And so I taught myself to love light.

A guru led me into a place within myself that was neither light nor darkness and he told me “This is all there will ever be”. And he taught me that if I wished to find it again I must empty myself and surrender to the Supersoul. It was then that I realized I knew nothing.

I read the Bible. I read the Bhagavad-Gita I read the Koran. And I read a lot of other stuff, too. It all made sense to me and I thought to myself, “Gee, God is probably the greatest Author of all time!”

I wanted to be a philosopher. I wanted to be a priest. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be a famous rock star. I wanted to be a mentor. I wanted to be a scholar. I wanted to be a Marine. I wanted to be a champion. I wanted a lot of things. Too many things.

I listened to a great man’s words….”You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” And so I tried.

I noticed that the numbers at the top of calendars never went backwards.

One morning I saw a storm brewing in the eastern sky and I gave God a high five.

I had friends that stuck with me, I had friends that had to move away, I had friends that never really knew me, I had friends I didn’t even realize were my friends and I had friends who lost the right to call me “friend”. I lost that right as well, with many people.

I was told that “good things come to those who wait”…I’m still waiting to see if that’s true.

I willingly lost myself in the dreams of others, then felt used and manipulated when the credits began to roll.

A strange thing, that the more I really loved someone the less inclined I was to tell them how much I loved them. As if “they should know by now.” Many was the time such logic turned against me and proved me to be a fool.

I proposed that loving someone grants them entrance into your heart where they will dwell until the day you die. I like to think that, of all the foolish notions I’ve entertained, this one is an unshakeable truth.

Science nurtured my intellect. Thoughts nurtured my mind. Imagination nurtured my spirit. Dreams nurtured my soul.

I satisfied my soul with poet’s nonsense.

I was content with someone else’s song.

Memories kept me from believing that all the things I thought werereal were vapors all along.


I spent all my life searching for the meanings of some things I was never meant to know.

I contended that whoever said “Space is the Place” was a moron.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that every one of the hard questions that arise in this brief span of life that we’ve each been given can be answered in two words:

SECRET CODES.