"faces"

My friends had no faces
I never saw the years
Wear them down
The graying hair
The crow's feet
The gradual stagnation and slowing
This would have been too much to bear
No, they were timeless, ageless
Even before I knew them
Brilliant rays of mind, one shy of infinite
Nothing but names
Collections of opinions
"Yea"s and "Nays" and "I don't give a shit"s
That was ALL some of them were
Others became more
So that I tried to give them expressions
To conjure visages
"I will fool myself into believing
This is what he looks like
That is her, yes, that is her, I recognize her
This is how I want to remember them
This is the image I will assign to each
To the memories I want to have, to hold
Each one of them."
I felt as if I had the right
After all, they had no faces
They never had
Spirit, nothing for light to bounce from
More often than not, I found
My vision uninspired, unworthy of creation
I wasn't even sure if they had
Souls
Still, I always suspected they were ONE
Part of ONE, parts of ONE
They were a portal for me
A doorway into a universe
A room with 100 doors
No "EXIT" signs above any of them
A hall full of strangers
With nothing in common
I liked to mingle in that crowd
But I wanted nothing to do with them
With their crooked smiles
Their rictus grins baring stained fangs
The hungry, greedy, hateful look in their eyes
The frowns plastered permanently to their brows
They all looked like they wanted something I could not give them
Acceptance
Respect, maybe
The time of day
A precious moment of my time
A place in my heart
Connection, compassion
Everything but love
Only for my friends
Only to my friends
Only from my friends
For my friends had no faces
And I liked it that way

I have no face
If I had one
I fear
I would have no friends