Scene 4: Dylan has left the scene. He's been gone for a long, long time. He walked out and said it was for good. Don't know about that. It wouldn't be the first time he bandied threats like that one about.
It's not so much a surprise that Bob Dylan has split. He never hangs around for very long at these affairs.
What IS surprising is that Slash has taken his place. Slash and mama, cute as can be with the Satanic tattoos, the nose rings and the gaudy Social Distortion t-shirts.
Slash has really let her down. Eased her to the ground, if you want to look at it that way. He's brought shame to her and to the family name with his hedonism. Still, she smiles a goofy, toothy grin that says "This is my boy. This is the one."
Sure he is. Ms. Slash, you have raised up a real spitfire. This son of yours is a convicted felon. His hateful, and sometimes cruel behaviour has caused many a man to question their own sexuality. "Celibacy," they say, "has never seemed like such a preferable option until now."
He wears his baseball cap backwards on his head. A real significant fashion statement from a man whose pubescence has weathered the years.
Your boy is a hooligan, Ms. Slash. We think you're aware of this and that you've BEEN aware of it for a long, long time.
So long, Ms. Slash. I fear I have come along too late to be of any valuable service to your wasted son. My time is too precious to waste delving into that rascal's deviant subconscious mind.
But make no mistake, dear woman. Your offspring is a thug.
Scene 5: Okay, Murray, you are a bad motherfucker. You've proved it to me. Once again, I might add, once again. Where the hell do you get off being so bad-ass? How long have you gone without washing your hair? This disheveled look you are cultivating is very unsettling. You can't get into any self respecting church service looking like THAT.
Where did you buy that watch? Big fuckin' watch. How much it cost you? I bet it's not one of those cheap Timex jobbies like they sell at Wal-Mart. Then again, I'd also bet it's not an heirloom timepiece you see recommended by the editors of Esquire magazine and that cost roughly the same as a small, used automobile. That watch is working double duty.
Good Lord, you smell of tobacco. Surely you are aware of this? Why don't you take a quick shower and get rid of that stench before we go to the wedding? You're not going to any wedding looking like that.
Who did those tatoos on yer arms? Charles Schultz?
Scene 6: Put that goddamn cigarette down, you filthy hobo. You're not fooling anyone and I don't care if you are a bad ass motherfucker, I won't stand for it beneath my roof. I don't know what made you think it was okay to light up in my quarters but if I failed to make it clear before, please allow me to elabotate: IT IS NOT.
And where'd you get that ridiculous hat? Is that one from your most recent shopping spree at the Goodwill? Or maybe it's one you found in the "All Headgear Bundle" at the Salvation Army? I'll bet you stole it. I'll also lay down good money that the inside band is dirty tan with the long-dried sweat of the last two bohemians who wore it. Here's what I say: it doesn't matter WHERE you got it. It makes you look like a stone fool. Like that dude who played guitar with Guns 'n' Roses.
But you're even dirtier. The sand sticks to your skin when you sweat...it turns to mud on you.
You want me to know about Amsterdam, don't you?
Scene 7: The balloon has landed. The bottle of booze is clutched tightly in the drummer's hand. Wait, what's that? ANOTHER bottle of hooch? The pilot's drinking Old Number 7 and it looks like he can sure put away enough of it.
That blimp really sailed high for a while there. It was a sight to behold, I assure you. You could get a sore neck craning your neck towards the sky to get a better look at that incredible floating craft. This was before the fires, you understand. This didn't happen until after the "Great Water Shortage of 2298" when even the majestic oceans were drained to pitiful pools.
But it's set down now, and that's a natural fact. The way of the world. The wisdom of the sages confirm that the zeppelin has descended for the last time.
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