Random Whatsits

Just a few random thoughts, pulled out of my brain like a rabbit from a hat. A particularly trivial rabbit, at that.

My typing is steadily improving since I first kind of got the hang of it several months ago. I had wanted to be able to type as fast as my wife by this time, but that was perhaps too lofty a goal. She's pretty damn fast, and I am slowed down considerably by the all-too-often necessity of having to hit the "backspace" button (I didn't count, but I would estimate that I hit that button no less than 25 times in the last sentence alone. I'm not too bad when I'm typing something that's written but I lose speed just trying to type what's on my mind).

It's sometimes painful to revisit the archives of this blog and see who I was and what I was thinking at the time. I've been doing this for quite a long time now and there's been a lot of personal evolvement taking place in the process. My worldview is not the same. Some of my tastes have changed. I have moved on, I'm still moving and who knows but that I will look back in these days and notice the same to be true then.

I get very uncomfortable when I read posts where I talk about being a Christian. That's because I am not convinced that I ever was one. I'm not convinced that, deep down in my heart of hearts, I ever wanted to be one. Certainly not the kind of hardcore Bible thumping conservative believer that one finds so easily here in the Bible Belt.

But I felt I had no choice than to throw in my lot with this sort. I convinced myself that the Bible was properly interpretated by Protestants only. I believed that the Catholics were onto something, too, but that they were much too inclusive to be 100% right. When I say "Protestants only" I'm not talking about the liberal theologians whose ideas I was rarely, if ever, exposed to. I'm talking about buying into Calvinism and the doctrines of the Puritans.

What the fuck was I thinking? CALVINISM??? What a barbaric and backwards bunch of dogma that is. I can hang with the whole "predestination" thing, though I don't imagin my conception of it resembles the classic Calvinistic defintion. But the whole Election and Reprobation notion? I refuse to bow down to a God who makes such arbitrary distinctions as this.

Heaven? Hell? What's the purpose of either? It's a "rewards" and "punishment" scheme designed to keep people in line. I'm not knocking it. It works. That's been proven through the years. But at this stage in my journey I don't think judgment is God's game.

So what DO I believe? God is all. All is God. God's love for every individual who ever was, is, and ever will be is boundless, infinite and completely unconditional. The fact that our hearts beat and our brains think is proof enough. That we are given this time, this reality, this opportunity to experience this moment, that is enough.

I was going to elaborate, but as I typed the words I realized that I don't have the kind of grasp of these things to make any kind of definitive "statement of faith". If I were to do that, no doubt, I would find myself regretting it in a few years when I look back on this post. I am comfortable with that I have written thus far, so that will be all for now.

I voted today. For Barrack Obama, if anyone cares to know.

I LOVE Last Fm! I wish I'd figured out what it was a long time ago. I've spent considerable time beefing up my "library"...it's like programming your own radio station with only the artists/bands that you like. I've tried to represent every aspect of my musical taste, so listening to it can sometimes induce a sensation akin to culture shock. Like when Johann Sebastian Bach is followed immediately by Sonic Youth, who are followed by Marty Robbins who is followed by Sammy Davis, Jr. You get the idea. But there's nothing there that I don't want to be there. It is actually a very nice listening experience and it forces me to look at every genre in the same light, if that makes sense. It forces me to jettison all notions of what is "cool" and what is not. I find that the "creative impulse" (as well as it's execution) is exactly the same in all kinds of music, from honky tonk to be bop to classic rock to musique concrete to...ad infinitum.

I love this aspect of diversity. If I want a program of similar sounding music I'll listen to Pandora. That's not a knock at Pandora, as it might seem. I think Pandora is great. But Last FM has the edge because of the control it gives the user. Plus you CAN use Last FM in the way that Pandora is used. You can listen to a station of "recommendations", which is pretty much all Pandora does. I don't like to do that, though, because when you let a song play out all the way through on the recommendations station it adds the artist to your library. I don't want artists in my library unless I put them there myself. I suppose I could go in and delete them when I'm done listening. I probably will do that one of these days. But for now I am fascinated by my own Last FM station.

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