I spend my Thanksgivings alone. I have done so for many years. My wife takes my son to visit her family and I stay home.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know that most folks would say, "Why would you want to be alone on a holiday? Isn't that what Thanksgiving is all about, spending time with friends and family, gathering together for food and fellowship?" I know it is. "Do you have a problem with your family, then?" No. No problem with any of 'em. "Are you anti-social or something?" I wouldn't call it being "anti-social".

I don't know if I could explain why I don't want to be around groups of people. Not even family. It's gotten worse over time, though it has been a long time since I visited relatives. I can't explain that, either. No doubt it has something to do with bipolar. My wife, though it took several years, accepts it and doesn't get upset with me. There was a time when she got a little miffed at me for not wanting to go with her. I don't know if she understands or empathize with me on this, but she doesn't try to change me (and for that I am grateful).

And so, since this IS Thanksgiving, I suppose I should take a moment and express my gratitude to the Powers That Be for a few things.

First, I am grateful for my wife and son. Stacie has seen me through a LOT of hard times and has stood by me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with but she has been forgiving of my less endearing qualities. I'm sure I take for granted a lot of things she does and I don't say "I love you" nearly enough. And Bryan always gives me so much to be proud of. The two of them have made my life worth living the last 15 years.

Next, it's good to know where my daughter is and that she is doing well, married to a good, loving man and raising two children...my grandchildren...and though I've never met them it still makes me happy to think that I am a grandfather. I don't feel that old, but I guess I am.

I am thankful that our dog is alive and kicking. He wasn't doing to well at all earlier this year. The vet didn't think he would live...we didn't think he would. But he surprised us all.

This has been a good year for me. My Social Security Disability benefits finally kicked in. I was able to buy some things we needed. I can contribute, even if only a little bit, to our living expenses.

Stacie graduated from college earlier this year, too, and got a promotion (and raise) at her job. As a result we are better off financially than we've ever been. Not that we're going to rise up to a tax bracket much higher than the one we're in now, but now we can put some money back for one thing or another. We can go out and do stuff that we couldn't do before because we were always close to broke. So I have to say I'm grateful for that.

Moving into the house I grew up in is another big thing I am glad of. Being here is good for me. I'm convinced that living in this house helps me feel more "grounded". I've been so "nomadic" in the years since I left here (in 1980) and have wanted to settle down for some time. I'd hoped we'd be able to do that in the house we were going to buy, but it didn't work out as planned. In a way I'm actually glad it didn't because I love living here, in this house. Our improved resources should make it possible for us to stay here as long as we can (by which I mean that if we leave it will be none of our doing...who knows what our landlord will do, right?).

I am thankful that I seem to have found the right combination of medications to control my bipolar. I am thankful that my depression has been kept relatively at bay since I started taking the drugs.

I got to see Sigur Ros in June! I'm thankful to Stacie for making that possible and thankful that the theater didn't get swept away by the tornadoes that blew through during the concert! I'm grateful that the years of loud music have not made me totally deaf and that I can still listen to music every single day.

The little things...Internet time wasters like StumbleUpon, LastFM, Garageband...making music using the Acid program...downloading Sigur Ros concerts from the Victory Rose blog...another year of XM radio...new albums by Sun Kil Moon, Autechre and Sigur Ros...my VAIO...the new Mexican restaurant that opened in town several months back (some of the best Mexican food I've eaten, I can't believe it's here in this podunk little town!)...Sonic Happy Hour...the election of Barack Obama...moving out of belief systems and into belief...

All this and much more...it reassures me that things are never as bad as I may think they are at the time.

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