Yet another MySpace questionnaire. I had so much fun doing the one from a couple of days ago I thought I would waste a little more time and do another.

Enjoy and learn.

Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your last name?
.....Crap

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
....."I'm sorry, who did you say you were? I don't recognize you."

Have you ever caught anything on fire?
.....When I was a kid I burned a bunch of Black Sabbath records in a desperate attempt to make myself feel like I was doing God a favour . What a dolt. At least they were available on CD by the time I was able to replace them.


Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
.....Carrot Top......NO! Just kidding! I hate Carrot Top.

How many bedrooms are in your house?
.....Well, there were three but we converted one into an office, so I guess the answer to the question is THREE BEDROOMS, one of which houses a computer and shelves of books instead of a bed.

How many times have you been to the ER?
.....I have never been to the equestrian races.

Is your (MySpace) profile private? Why/why not?
.....Of course it's not private. What fun would that be? I was around here before there were such things as "private profiles". As for WHY my profile is NOT private...I don't think I'm stupid enough to put anything out there that's going to mandate a private profile. Not to say that people who have private profiles are stupid or gullible, I just don't see the need for it. I WANT people to see my profile. I put a lot of work into it. I like the way it looks and I don't mind sharing what little there is anyone could get to know about me through it (very little). I guess it all depends on why people are here...


Do you drink soda?
.....Once, in a blindfolded test, I asked a friend to drink from two different cups. One was full of Mountain Dew. The other contained about 6 ounces of my urine. He could not tell the difference.

Have you ever been on an airplane?
.....A couple of times. Airplanes are cool, but helicopters are better (not joking there..they used to give helicopter rides in Branson and I went on one of those...now that's fun, flitting through the sky with only a glass bubble between you and gravity's pull).


Marriage in your future?
.....Yes. I don't doubt that someday my son will get married.

Is McDonald's disgusting?
.....I have only recently stopped eating at McDonalds, after getting some gristly meat on a few double cheeseburgers. I don't know if it's always been that way and I just didn't notice it...or if the situation is a recent one, but it all boils down to the same conclusion...I ain't eatin' there no more.

Do you like your life?
.....I like it better than the alternative (at least for now).


Do you have trust issues?
.....There's no thing as a trust "issue". If you've got a "trust issue" that's the same thing as saying you're a "realist".


In the past 24 hours have you been under the influence?
.....Unfortunately not. I ran out a couple of days ago. (hardy har har, right?)

How has this past week been for you?
.....It's made me older.

Who are you disappointed in right now?
.....I really don't think I'm in any position to be disappointed with ANYBODY right now. Maybe Jerry Springer.


Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
.....I don't have either, so how would I know? ;)

Is there a reason for your myspace song?
.....I don't have a MySpace song, I have a Project Playlist music player stuffed to the brim with Sigur Ros songs. The reason? Because as far as I'm concerned they are the best band of all time.

Do you hate the last girl/guy you were talking to?
......Hate is a strong word and should be reserved for something a lot more despicable than any girl or guy I might have been talking to. If you're going to hate, at least store it up for those who deserve it (bin Laden, Al Queda, the Taliban, Carrot Top).


What are you listening to?
.....Nothing right now. Just a moment ago I heard my own laughter when I wrote the thing about hating Carrot Top. Before that I was listening to Sun Kil Moon's "April", which I played through twice.


How good is Coca-Cola?
.....It's pretty good but it was a lot better when they used cocaine instead of caffeine.

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
.....Not if I can help it.

Last thing you ate?
.....I ate a chicken fried steak dinner w/french fries, corn, cole slaw and a slice of Texas toast. I didn't really care all that much for it. I don't generally eat chicken fried steak but I decided to do something different. I wish I hadn't now. In fact, in retrospect, I think I would have rather eaten a dog turd than chicken fried steak. Maybe tomorrow.

Have you ever thrown up from drinking?
.....Only from drinking alcoholic beverages. Of course I have. I remember one time I drank a six pack of Michelob Extra Dark, a couple of small bottles of Kahlua and a shot or three of Jack Daniels. Oh, man. The trail of vomit that spanned the distance between my bed and the bathroom had a stench that was almost as disgusting as the hue of the carpet stain after it was cleaned up. Then there was the time I got so drunk I fell down on the grass, couldn't get up, puked and fell asleep in it. And my wife will never forget the night I came home after drinking too many pints of Guiness...but I will spare you the details.

Toilet papered someones house?
.....I don't recollect doing that. I broke a few windows when I was younger. I felt that toilet papering a house was for light-weights. Just pick up a rock from the ground and throw it...cheaper than a roll of toilet paper.

Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend?
.....You know, I don't remember him having any girlfriends until he got married. He might have had...I just don't remember. But wait...you just said "friend", right? In that case, he used to run with some tough guys and I seriously considered having a crush on one of them. I probably would have done it, too, if I hadn't remembered what a flaming heterosexual I am...

Whats the longest amount of time you've been on an airplane?
.....Long enough to wish that those teensy-weensy bottles of booze the serve were a LOT bigger.


Have you ever been out of your country?
.....Pissed off a few beggars just across the border from El Paso to Juarez. Mexico may well be a wonderful place, but this particular section of Juarez was awful. I was there with a friend who was the photographer for the school newspaper. He had his camera strapped around his neck. This Mexican dude comes up to him and starts saying "Donkey? Donkey show?" He said he had transportation to take us there. We were still wet behind the ears and had no idea what a "donkey show" was. It was explained to us later and I realized that the guy saw my friend's camera and thought he might be interested in taking pictures of the event. When I learned the meaning of "donkey show" I was disgusted and shocked. I'd never even considered that such vile things happened on this planet. When my friend found out what the guy meant by "donkey show" he loaded his camera with film and headed back south...okay, that last sentence was bullshit. But I swear the rest is true.

What's the best wedding you've been to?
.....No.

Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
.....No sir, I don't. I have owned a Toyota and it was the ugliest car on the road, but let me tell you it was a work horse that could not be stopped. The wife christened it "sea biscuit" for reasons unknown to me.

What time did you wake up this morning?
.....About 2 hours before I wanted to.

When was the last time you were really sick?
.....It's been several months, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. Spaghetti noodles spurting out of the nose? Oh no, you don't forget that.


Does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes cigs?
.....Yes, it does.


Last person you texted?
.....I don't "text". I know how to use a telephone.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
.....As I contemplate an answer to this question I was struck with a revelation from the Supreme Being, who spoke to me, as He usually does, by divinely arranging the letters in my alphabet soup. This time the pasta read: 'WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER? WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? WHY ARE YOU CONTEMPLATING AN ANSWER FOR THIS QUESTION? ARE YOU REALLY SO BORED? WHY DON'T YOU TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO TAKE A SHOWER. YOU STINK. SERIOUSLY, DUDE, YOU REEK."

Have you ever been to New York?
.....I've seen enough Woody Allen movies and listened to enough of Lou Reed's music that I feel as if I've been there.


Have you ever been to Florida?
.....My 6 months in Florida may as well have been spent in Juarez, miserable as they were.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
.....Do dolphins count?


Myspace or Facebook?
.....MySpace, because I just don't care enough to start over from scratch with all this social networking crap. I probably wouldn't be at MySpace if Friendster had caught on. I don't know if Facebook is going to last or if it's just trendy and hip to be a member there. Either way I doubt if I'll switch unless everybody I know here abdicates to Facebook. That's what happened with Friendster...everybody left and came here...

Has 2008 been good so far?
.....All in all I think 2008 has been pretty good. Yeah...it's been very good. 2007 was a little bit better. Finding my daughter on MySpace kind of put that year over the top, but it's not unreasonable to hope that 2008 will at least be as good as last year was. None of it is up to me, though.


When is your next road trip?
.....Probably the next time Sigur Ros play a concert within a couple of hundred miles from my home.


What color are your eyes?
.....It's weird, but I couldn't even tell you. Seriously, I'd have to ask someone to look at them and tell me.

What color is your hair?
.....Brown with a tiny bit of red mixed in...and a lot of grey. I don't mind my hair turning grey as long as it doesn't just grow in a straight line across my head. I wouldn't want to be called "skunk" by some of the more cruel members of our small community.

What would you rather be doing?
.....Negotiating with a Genie about my third wish.

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