Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
.....In the sense that by doing so I am guaranteed immortality, why wouldn't I? But I suppose we're talking about things that we did or saw or ate or watched...Of course not. What kind of boring existence that would be, even if last night was the best night of your life. If you lived last night on repeat you'll never find out if there were better ones in store.
Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
.....It depends on your definition of "successfully".
What was your last purchase?
.....I bought about 40 bucks worth of groceries about 3 hours ago. Got me a coconut!
Does anyone like you?
.....I don't think so.
Have you made anyone laugh while they were crying lately?
.....No, but I made someone cry while they were laughing. I snuck up on my brother and smacked his head with a 2 by 4 while he was watching "Chappelle's Show".
Are you easily amused?
.....The things that amuse me are easily amusing The things that don't amuse me are difficultly amusing. It is true, however, that there are few things which I find amusing these days.
Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
.....On my side, always, unless maybe I turn over on my back while I'm sound asleep and never know it.
Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
.....The numbers are staggering.
What did you do Saturday?
.....I went to OKC to pay a visit on a friend and drove back the richer for it. I probably watched some telly, since we got the whole Dish thing worked out and have a few HDTV channels
Do you trust all of your friends?
.....not a damn one of 'em.
Morning or night person?
.....Evening
Would you rather have love or money?
.....I get 'em both or I ain't takin' neither.
Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
....."knows me inside"??? Uh, I'd have to say the answer to that question is "no"
Last person you watched movies with?
.....The wife and the son, if we're talking abut the last thing I watched in a theater. As for DVD viewings, the only one who'll watch 'em with me is the wife. I generally prefer to watch movies by myself.
Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
.....Not today. I might hug one of 'em before the night's done, but then again I might not. I won't think twice on it, though.
Do you hide your emotions?
.....What emotions? No but seriously...what emotions? Okay, okay, I'll stop messing with your mind. Most folks do hide at least some of their more vulnerable emotions. Nothing wrong with that, in fact it's probably necessary for survival in this age. But do I hide MY emotions?...What emotions? No, really, what I meant to say was..."what emotions"? I've hidden them from myself.
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
.....I take showers at any time of the day or night. I sniff my arm pit and if it has a rank odor to it I will hop in the shower for a scrubbin'. But if I don't smell nothin' I'll put it off until I DO smell something. On "light sweating days" I have been known to avoid showering for several weeks. Once I broke my own rule and avoided showers altogether during the hottest part of the year. I stank so bad. Then I decided to take a shower. It was at 2:45 in the morning.
If you could either float on the moon, or snorkel in the ocean, which?
.....I've already floated on the moon (wink wink nudge nudge) so you'd think I'd rather snorkel the depths of the mighy seas, right? No, matey, there ye be wrong. Floatin' on the moon, that's where it's at, baby. I'll take any opportunity that comes along to float on the moon again. What's so big about the ocean, anyway? Don't these people realize that the moon is in SPACE, for crying out loud. No pesky exotic tropical fish to obscure the view.
Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
.....Not if the wife has her way.
Third text in your inbox say? from who?
.....Sorry, I am not going to expend the time and energy necessary to minimize my Notepad, click to my inbox and hunt the third message there. Why should I when the chances are 99% that it will say "Re: Hey!". As for who it's from...that's something I WOULD have to check in my inbox...but I'm not-a-gonna do it. Take that.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
.....I'm sure it was the wife.
Where is your phone?
.....We've got one of those extra headset models. One of them is in the living room and the other is about 3 feet southeast of my right shoulder, sitting on a stereo that we use for the computer. I'm glad you asked.
Do you need to say anything to anyone?
.....I need to tell the gentleman behind the counter at the local liquor store that I would like a free bottle of Jim Beam Rye whiskey. I guess I should also tell him I've got a gun.
What were you doing at 7am?
.....Saying goodbye to a few porn starlets, stepping through the stargate that divides the sleeping and dreaming from wakefulness.
What do you think of your number 3 on your top friends?
.....I think he's a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard of a friend. He's never thought of me as a "friend". All I've ever been to him is trustworthy and helpful and yet he exploits every available opportunity to bring me down. He wants me to beg, but I'll never grovel at that womanizer's feet. I won't dirty the knees of my jeans by kneeling on the sad piece of dirt he stands upon. He's number 3 for a reason. It's because I only have THREE friends. I only keep him on the list because it makes me feel better knowing there's more than two but less than four. His list is even shorter than mine...by 2, actually. That's right. The guy has only ONE friend, and it's ME, so that makes it even more useless, 'cause I ain't much of a friend. But this guy, ole numero trio, he makes me look like a saint in comparison to his high jinks and shenanigans. He is vain and childish. He takes too long in the bathroom. He snores. He doesn't gather up his clothes on the floor next to the bed and leaves all our toys scattered about everywhere. He drinks ice milk and lets it dribble down his chin. He does this at a flea market. He walks around with there milk trails flowing down from his lips to this jaw. It looks a lot like what Alice Cooper used to do with mascara. If for no other reason than this, I put up with him I feel a great sympathy for the mentally challenged. But he's a son-of-a-bitch, make no bones about it...
Can you legally drink?
......Yeah, but you know, drinking was a lot more fun BEFORE I was allowed to.
When is the last time you saw your mom?
.....I'd be too embarrassed to tell you.
Do you believe in karma?
.....I guess I do. I try not to think about it. To contemplate such a lofty concept is a fool's game.
Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
.....if I'm walking on broken glass I prefer shoes. Or if the pavement is hot enough to fry an egg on I definitely prefer shoes. Otherwise you'll rarely see me with shoes or socks on my feet. Does that turn you on?
What was the last thing you drank?
.....A can of Pepsi
Do you know how to play poker?
.....I know the game but I'm not familiar with the betting and the strategies and so forth and so on. Some folks have said I have a "Poker face", so maybe I should start playing poker. I've already got the look for it, I'm handicapped!
Have you ever been in an ambulance?
.....I don't believe I have and I do not want to be seeing the inside of one for a good, long time (ie. eternity).
Do you hold grudges?
.....Not for too long.
Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
.....I used to do that a lot but not so much anymore. The CD player is out in the Saturn. The radio in the Grand Prix hasn't got much OOMPH to it, and I usually only listen to classical when I'm driving. I never sang obnoxiously in the car. My singing was excellent. You would have thought that Ozzy Osbourne was in the front seat of the car with me just a-wailin' his guts out, "Goin' off the rail on a crazy train"...but look closer, sailors. I'm the only one in me car. All that singin' you heard a minute ago, that was all me own." I had a lot of "co-pilots": Joe Strummer, Richard Butler, Mick Jagger,
Have you ever kissed someone that has smoked before?
.....Ashamed to say it, but yes, I have.
Who were you with last night?
.....My family and the dog.
When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
.....I think I would have known if I had butterflies in my stomach. Does that come swallowing caterpillars?
Are you watching TV?
.....No, I am filling out this questionnaire.
If so, what are you watching?
.....I'm not. I'm watching letters form words in the Stylus font, size 16, as my fingers punch buttons with corresponding letters on them. I'm seeing a bright, eye-melting white light that is the background of a NotePad document. I see little else, as there is nothing in my peripheral vision that warrants any attention that might be paid to it.
How late did you stay up last night?
.....I guess it was a little after midnight. I was falling in and out of sleep for about an hour listening to opera, then I finally decided I might as well hit the sack. With some degree of will power I was able to rise from the ass-sunken bottom cushion of the ancient recliner where I'd been nestled in for the last two hours. Through the dark I felt my way to the master bedroom where my wife was lying, clutching stolen covers and breathing steadily. I performed my nightly toillette, ingested my dope and had no problem drifting off into the land of dreams and visions. And so it is on an almost nightly basis.
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