Why are Americans so fat?

Another important question posed at the RS.com Castaways message boards, "Why are Americans soooo fat?"...here's my answer:

I'm sorry I haven't come around to give the definitive answer to this most important question.

Why are Americans so fat?

Because it's the land of the free and the home of the brave. Most of us don't give two fucks about our health...our forefathers weren't too concerned with it, why should we be? You only live once, you know. Many a man has wound up on his death bed wishing he hadn't been so damned concerned with nutrition. One life to live, baby, let's get down to Burger King. The dying man wishes he had taken that advice, and realizes all too keenly that the opportunity has slipped through his skinny little fingers.

We're a generation raised on junk food, and it's all good until you get old enough to want to discover the fountain of youth. I'll tell you where you can find the fountain of youth. It's right there next to the counter of your local McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendy's, etc. It dispenses high calorie, sugar loaded soft drinks meant to compliment the awesome flavor of a delicious, un-healthy meal. It's the fountain of youth, for sure, because the young 'uns don't give a flip about their health. Why should the older folks? You only live once. Comes a time when most folks reach the conclusion that to live forever with these frail bodies and in this world of suffering is not such a good thing to wish for after all. Stay young at heart, I say, chow down, get full, get fat, fuck what anyone has to say about it...maybe it will kill you. Not before your time, I assure you of that.

And I am not in the minority when it comes to this. One need only viddy the statistics, the billions and billions of dollars made EVERY SINGLE DAY by the fast food industry. Like I said, Land of the free, Home of the brave. Free top eat whatever we please without a second thought as to nutritional value. Brave enough to risk obesity and clogged arteries, gastrointestinal shutdowns and the promise of an early grave.

Price you pay, folks. Price you pay. Yum Yum. It's good stuff. Who wants to eat salad every single day of the week? Or boiled foods, or whatever else is out there that health food freaks expect me to give up my Whopper for? I love salad, peoples, but it fucks up my innards just as much as a tub of greasy french fries.