Montana-Mania

It's been awhile now since the whole Hannah Montana thing has been out of hand. Yesterday we received a Wal-Mart sales circular that not only validated this opinion, but re-enforced it and propelled the fad to absolute RIDICULOUS proportions.

An entire 4-page sales advert of Hannah Montana shit. Nothing else. Just Hannah Montana merchandise. Hannah Montana has taken over the largest super store in the United States. How did she do it?

I've seen a few of the "Hannah Montana" shows on the Disney channel. Don't ask me why. But they weren't too bad for entertainment geared to pre-teens. Miley Cyrus is a cute gal and it's unique that she's the daughter of a country singer who had a couple of big hits in the early 90s. There's nothing altogether special about the music or even Cyrus' voice, but it's no better or worse than the stuff Britney Spears and Christina Aguilara made their fortunes with.

I just don't know. You'd probably have to ask someone who's about 30 years younger than I am if you really want to know how she has risen to such prominence.

It could be worse. At least it's not Marilyn Manson or Nine Inch Nails...although, come to think of it, they might make for some very entertaining fare (as long as it's not on VH1).

Hannah's harmless. That's the key. Parents don't feel like they're letting the kids watch something inappropriate. I don't suppose they are.

The only thing that's inappropriate, as I see it, is the mondo-marketing blitz that Disney has rollin', all aimed directly at children who are of an age where it's normal for them to carry on and on and on until they get what they want (especially when it's at the "Everyday Low Wal-Mart Price"). Stuff is gonna get bought, that's understood. Lots of JUNK (Hannah Montana Sticker Card Pack, only $1.97) as well as some items that could very well prove useful (Hannah Montana Slumber Tote w/Sleeping Bag, only $19.96).

I was too young to remember the product onslaught from the first wave of Beatle-mania, but I imagine it was something like this (in fact, it was worse, from what I've read, with hotels selling one square inch strips of linen taken directly from the beds that the Fab Four slept on). And I'm not going to get all high-and-mighty by saying, "Well, that was THE BEATLES! They actually had talent!" (even if that happens to be the truth).

But anyhoo, here's a list of just a few of the great, essential items you can find at Wal-Mart. Just look for the ever-expanding "Hannah Montana aisle", located just to the right of the Bibles and inspirational books:

~~Hannah Montana Gift Bag
~~Hannah Montana Comforter
~~Hannah Montana Cake of 24-Ct. Cupcake Cake
~~Hannah Montana Napkins
~~Hannah Montana Toothbrush
~~Hannah Montana Girls Guitar Bag
~~Hannah Montana Denim Capris
~~Hannah Montana 4-Pack Socks
~~Hannah Montana 3-Pack Underwear (I think I'll get me a pair of those. Just kidding)
~~Hannah Montana Glasses Frames
~~Hannah Montana Pop Star Electric Guitar
~~Hannah Montana Denim Handbag
~~Hannah Montana Paper Dinner Plates
~~Hannah Montana Watch


In the words of a classic Bruce Springsteen song:
"Some day we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny"

Actually it's pretty damn funny NOW.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Wal-Mart circular will be of some use, though. The front cover is pretty much a glossy poster of Hannah (with the recognizable Wal-Mart logo at the header). I'm going to cut it out and pin it the wall next to my 13 year old son's bed.

He DESPISES Hannah Montana (I did mention that he was my SON, and not a daughter, right?).

I can't wait to see his reaction! This is gonna be FUNNY!