The 30 day challenge

There’s this pastor of some church (a "Relevant" church in Florida) who, in response to a disturbing divorce rate amongst his flock, has exhorted all the married people in his congregation to have sex every night for 30 consecutive nights. He call’s it “The 30 Day Challenge”. Maybe all the married men in his church are young whipper snappers with remarkable stamina or maybe just a 30 day supply of Enzyte. Perhaps all the married woman have been frigid for too long, and maybe this coolness has contributed to the excessive divorce rates. So, for 30 days at least, the fire needs to be kindled again. Do whatever you have to do, women, to get in the mood for 30 headache-free nights of coitus. Look at some pornography, watch a soap opera, take a long, hot bath, read a romance novel, go to the sex shop and get turned on looking at all the dildos…whatever it takes to get those juices flowing and those legs uncrossed.

Then fuck, fuck, fuck, suck, fuck, fuck, suck, suck, fuck, fuck, fuck, suck, fuck some more…I do believe the pastor called it “hanky panky”. Grow up, you dolt. If you’re going to advocate such a radical course of action the least you can do is call it what it actually is: a month of uninhibited, balls-to-the-wall, sweaty, animalistic, birth-control-protected, Officially sanctioned booty knocking.

The campaign sounds good when you first think about it, but after further consideration you realize that IT could well backfire. Thirty days is a LONG TIME to fuck and be fucked every single night. Maybe it’s different for the kids, maybe all those young hormones and libidos are up to it, but I’m sure I’d get sick and tired of sex if I did it that often. I’d want to take a long vacation from nookie at the end of that month. My wife would be walking funny at about the second week mark. 30 days of sex in our relationship would be more apt to lead to divorce court, defeating it’s intended purpose.

I can’t for the life of me understand what that pastor is thinking. Can he really believe that such a challenge is going to revitalize the marriages of those who want to tackle it? 30 days of sex with a different woman or man every night…well, that’s different, but I don’t think God intended for married folk to do the bunny hop with such frequency.

Maybe this minister is just trying to make some kind of point, not really thinking that people are taking him seriously. After all, he also issued a challenge to unmarried church members to abstain from sex for 30 days.

Something mighty fishy about that, ifn’ you ask me.