Monica Disappeared

Monica disappeared
She told me she might love me
I told her where to meet me
But when I got there
She was gone
Monica disappeared
I had become enraptured
By her cherubic face
Elfish, tomboy haircut
Mischievous smile
Law breaking smile
I should have known there was something lurking
Behind that smile
Some secret or some thing
Some One
Some lie she’d found herself caught in
Fly in a spider’s web, vulnerable
But it wasn’t hard to see
She was too hard to let anything hurt her
She might as well have hurt me
Monica disappeared
I never told you how
Her kisses left me breathless
The music of Cocteau Twins came alive
In her ethereal expressions
As our lips reluctantly let go of each other
Her sated smile told the story
Of happy endings and serendipity
The Fates had other plans
And maybe she knew it.
So somewhere in her heart or her head
She had conspired with the Great Unknown
To break my heart
And so she disappeared.

I seriously contemplated the possibility that something sinister had happened to Monica.Maybe she’d been killed, she did run with a rough crowd. Or kidnapped, hidden away in a madman’s basement, sold into oblivion.

Lost, flawed goddess?
The woman kept her fair share of secrets
And most likely a greater lot of lies she’d fed me
Cotton candy to a baby

Grim acceptance of the brutal reality
Brought home by her disappearance
And nailed shut by the knowledge

That I would never again, in my life,
Here and in the Great Beyond,
See her face, kiss her lips, relax in her embrace

Dance to Springsteen’s slow songs silently surrendered to sensuality and the staggered stagnation of sense and sensibility and I would drive all night just to buy her some smack…whatever she asked

Hear her voice, call her “mine”
Hear her voice call me “her’s”
Look into her eyes and wail and moan for the miles that separated us, sackcloth and ashes well worn in the years that followed
She’s as dead as if she’d stopped breathing
As if her heart had actually stopped beating.
The period for grief and mourning are long past
And yet I’m overcome by a tsunami