"Funk Daddy #6"

She said, She said
As her eardrums slowly bled
"Is it possible to love a man
Who takes out his frustrations in the bed?"

(I don't care)

"It's been my understanding
That life is seldom fair..."
She said this with conviction
As if I were the only man who cared

(But I don't care)

I woke up Sunday Morning
In an unfamiliar room
Sorting out the fiction from the truth
A body still beside me
Broken bottles on the floor
I grabbed my clothes and said a prayer
She never stirred
And then I hit the door...

"Chop! Chop! Chop!"

Well, my shoes are muddy and my clothes are torn
My daddy left town on the day that I was born
Mama left me in a basket on the butcher's porch
And that's where I learned about knives...

For 30 years I've been a travellin' man
Carving out my way with a cleaver in my hand
May sound crazy but you better understand
You wanna get cut? Step aside!!!

Now some boys dream of a guitar in the hand
Bringing all the noise in a rock and roll band
Or they wanna be a lawyer, wanna be a cop
All I ever wanted was to CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!

(Go, Sweetcheekers!)

From early morning to late at night
Cuttin' all you turkeys by the candlelight
...!!!...!!!...!!!...!!!
And they ain't caught up with me yet...

Observations Gleaned from 30 Minutes w/CMT

The VanZant brothers' new album Get Right With The Man just earned a top slot on my wishlist, after hearing the song "Help Somebody" on CMT this morning. It's a down-home rough hewed tribute to our grandparents' words of wisdom, and these VanZants must have had some incredibly wise ancestors.
Check this out:
"It's better to be hated for who you are
Than loved for who you're not..."
That's sage advice, indeed, but my favorite line in the song is this one:
"If you want to hear God laugh
Tell Him your plan..."
Oh, man, I cannot tell you how hard that hit home. I immediately got up off my rear-end, fetched my Bible and wrote it down on one of the empty pages in the back. I felt like it belonged there.

I'm really happy to see major country music performers making bold statements of faith in their songs. Randy Travis is the most obvious example among many, but I am especially fond of the last couple of Tim McGraw singles. "Live Like You Were Dying" has already been to the top of the charts with it's message that life is too precious to waste. I can only hope that his new track, "Drugs & Jesus", will follow suit. It's theme is much more blatantly Christian, with no less than an outbreak of exuberant "Hallelujah"s towards the end. McGraw sings of the distance between right and wrong. He affirms that we're all basically looking for the same thing in life and that the paths we take in searching for it often lead to drugs or Jesus. McGraw makes his choice and proclaims "All I need is Jesus".
Hallelujah, indeed.
Apparently he has two kinds of Faith in his life. :)
More power to him.

The multitudes of people who complained in the 80's and 90's that country was starting to sound too much like soft rock, what with groups like Alabama and the Kentucky Headhunters...I have to wonder what they think of the all-out barrier-breaking of the "MuzikMafia" (the most prominent members being Big & Rich, Gretchen Wilson and now Cowboy Troy)...Somebody out there likes it...a lot of somebodys, I assume, seeing how enormously popular the cadre has become. But there's something disheartening about seeing Big & Rich try to throw down and merge rap with C&W in "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)"...which is, in my opinion, one of the most annoying songs to ever get stuck in my cranium without my permission.


Gretchen Wilson at least has the voice to keep the heritage alive in "When I Think About Cheating", a song and vocal delivery that puts me in mind of Patsy Cline.
Quite a departure from the whiskey-bent cowgrrrl anthem "Redneck Woman" that was the first impression she allowed us.


But what, pray tell, will the good old boys at Billy's Roadside Tavern think of Cowboy Troy, who takes the rap-country crossover route to the next level with "I Play Chicken With the Train"? Backed by those mischevious MuzikMafia kingpins Big & Rich, the only things that set this song apart from the hip hop the young thugs approve of are the REAL instruments played by real people, the conspicuous absence of "Parental Advisory"-worthy profanity and a fiddle solo tucked in the middle that sounds about as out of place as Trick Daddy in Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood.

No, it's not country. The argument that it should not be played on country radio has a lot of merit, as far as I'm concerned...but the truth of the matter is that, yes, the cowboys like it. So who am I to complain?
I'm tellin' ya...I know this from experience working in a CD store. When the National Youth Rodeo Finals blew through town and the cowboys would come in the store (always decked out in their Wranglers with official NYRF number tag and obligatory cowboy hat for easy identification) they would head straight to the RAP section. No doubt they loved George Strait just as much as the next guy, but they were buying CDs by Eminem, Tupac, Ludicrus, the Notorious B.I.G. and the rest of the hardcore crew. The only thing they liked better than rap was Rodney Carrington.

So hat's off to Big & Rich and the whole MuzikMafia cartel. They may be diluting the music to an unbearable degree, but what the hey? We still have Brad Paisley, Dierke Bentley, Alan Jackson and a whole slew of others to pick up the slack, keeping the flame of REAL country burning. And there's a lot to be said for their business savvy as well as the degree to which they really are in touch with the younger, rowdier cowpokes who speak of Kid Rock and Bocephus with equal amounts of reverence.
Save a horse? Who needs a horse when you can afford a fleet of Bentleys? And these cowboys are riding 'em straight to the bank, you can bet your bottom dollar on that, Festus.
And that's what Nashville is all about, right?

"No Parades"

Is there something wrong?
Is there something wrong?
The glass answers with a smirk
A teardrop stains a photograph
Is there something wrong?

This was your war cry
Rally 'round, vanish into summer sky
With no parades for your returning
Protest songs were on the radio

Is there something wrong?
Is there something wrong?
The glass drops to the floor
Shattered nerves and broken mirrors
Is there something wrong?

This is surrender
A laying down of arms and a reckoning of sin
With no parades for our returning
This is how it feels to lose a war

Shattered nerves, broken mirrors
Shattered nerves, broken mirrors
Shattered nerves, broken mirrors
Is there something wrong?

"Isolated"

To the crowds around me…I’m invisible
To the ground below me…I keep falling
Always alone in a crowd
Always alone in a crowd
Isolated

In a dark, empty house
It’s cold but it’s my life
There lives a man who has tied his tongue
To silence all the good he’s done
And he calls it “freedom”
But he’s always alone in a crowd
Always alone in a crowd
Isolated
Isolated

It’s the price for all the hatred that’s built up for so long
We trade the pain for bitter pills that leave us numb and sitting still
To each his own throughout the years
Manipulated ’til we’re always alone in a crowd
Always alone in a crowd
Isolated
Isolated

In the corner of my eye there is a vision of a life that could have been
In the corner of my mind there is a memory that I have held too dear
In the corner of my life where you once spent some of your time
I…I could spend all of my life

"Happy Home"

Who would care to feel the pain?
Who would dare to know the shame
Of this hateful, hurtful game?

I've kept your secret here with me
I've got a lock for every key
And I don't break so easily
(No, I won't break)

The doors are locked, windows closed
I will not let them into our happy home.
Your eyes are closed, my heart is cold
But I will not let them into our happy home.

I've got a history unknown
I've got a need to be alone
I've got a pocket full of stones

There is no need to be afraid
This is not the first time that I've played
And I always walk away

The doors are locked, windows closed
I will not let them into our happy home.
Your eyes are closed, my heart is cold
But I will not let them into our happy home.

Meme #3: Getting To Know ME!

Not that anyone cares, but what the hey...

1. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Usually between 8:30-9:30 am

2. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?
I prefer to eat alone.

3. GOLD OR SILVER?
Gold

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
It's been awhile. Probably Big Fish

5. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
NYPD Blue

6. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
I don't eat breakfast, but I usually drink about a liter of Dr. Pepper in the
morning, if that counts.

7. WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
A skunk.

8. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
No.

9. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? WHY?
God. Sunsets. Music. Good writing. Whenever Good triumphs over Evil. Why? Because that's how God made me.

10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Arthur

11. BEACH, CITY, OR COUNTRY?
Country, but beach sounds nice if it's a secluded one.

12. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter, without the ice.

13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Vanilla almond Häagen-Dazs. Breyer's Heath. Blue Bell's Pecans, Pralines & Cream. Baskin-Robbin's chocolate almond/vanilla double dip. Breyer's Reese's. Cookies and Cream. What can I say, I like ice cream. But the Häagen-Dazs is the best.

14. BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
Buttered & salted. You can keep yer plain.

15. FAVORITE COLOR?
I have never had a favourite color. I like 'em all.

16. FAVORITE CAR?
Corvette convertable.

17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Swiss cheese.

18. TRUE LOVE?
Married since 94, so I hope so.

19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
Condescension. Selfishness. Greediness. Machismo.

20. FAVORITE FLOWERS?
No preference. They're all pretty.

21. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE?
I don't play the lottery, but if someone insisted on giving me a large sum of money, I probably could not keep it a secret for more than 5 minutes.

23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
White, with a "ladybug theme"...that's the wife's thing, of course. I'd just as soon do without all the ladybugs, but it's HER bathroom...

24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
Seven, although there's one that I have no idea what is used for...

25. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
A lakeside mansion.

26. CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY?
No.

27. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK:
Sunday.

28. RED OR WHITE WINE?
Not much of a wine drinker, but I sometimes get a hankering for Burgundy.

29. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Nothing special.

30. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
Not yet, but I am planning on becoming an organ donor when my driver's license is up for renewal this time last year...

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL?
I think horses are pretty cool, but I can't say I prefer them over any other animal.

32. IF YOU HAD TO EAT ONE FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Pizza...but man, would that get old after a few years...